Aug. 16, 2022 - Headless Mammoth Hoggin' Day 16
AA Tags: #RawHoggin #MammothMafia
My shave this morning was interrupted by a huge cockroach that decided to scurry into the bathroom as I was in the middle of my second pass. I knew it must have been big because I was able to notice the movement in the bathroom mirror at the edge of my vision. Dealing with small cockroaches has become a daily routine here in the summer, but I didn't expect to have to deal with one this size (maybe 1.5 inches long) inside the house. The smaller ones I don't mind just grabbing with a few pieces of toilet paper, but I'm not man enough to do that to one of this size.
Damn, this guy was tough! I quickly found a takeout box that I could use to decapacitate this bad boy but we went 10 rounds and I could not produce the knockout. The first time I hit it I thought that was the end of it since it flipped onto its back and was mostly motionless, but within a few seconds its legs started kicking like a turtle unable to flip over. I hit it with a several more good shots but the little bugger was unphased. I didn't feel like getting cockroach juice all over the bathroom floor so I decided against the good ol' stomp.
The next course of action was to find a piece of paper and escort the roach to the toilet for a nice water ride down the pipes, but as I tried nudging it onto the paper with the box it was able to push off of the box to flip itself over and it made a scramble for cover among some boxes under the sink that I used for storing my wet shaving supplies. I had already made the wife and kids aware its existence so there was no way I could abort this mission without losing respect and dad cred. I was locked into a desperate battle to finish off this MFer before my lather dried out so I quickly moved the boxes out of the way and hit it with a few more blows, knocking it onto its back again. In the end I was able to wedge it between the piece of paper and the box into the toilet for a farewell flush. Except I just consulted my buddy Google and it looks like cockroaches can go without breathing for half an hour and will likely survive a flush. We'll see if there is a rematch at some point in the future.
As expected, my shave wasn't the greatest. I had already spent 5-10 minutes dealing with the monster, the half pass of lather that was left on my face was mostly dry, and I had to wrap up quickly to get the kids ready for school. The good news is, the boar had not eaten all the lather and I was able to complete the shave. Unfortunately, now when I see the black hairs inside of the boar brush I'm reminded of the legs of the cockroach flailing in the air trying to flip itself over.
sotd.djudgement_invitations: [<DjudgementInvitation 1095>, <DjudgementInvitation 3144>]